The Dynamics of Christian Marriage


Submission in Christian Marriage.

In her explanation to Michelle, Tiffany mentions an immensely important concept in marriage that I believe may have gotten by most. It is very subtle and it is diametrically opposed to the secular paradigms that shape the thinking in this western culture.

She said that “in marriage we lose our right to be right.” What does this mean in truth? First of all, contrary to popular belief, both parties in the marriage are called to submit or surrender to the other. In a culture in which independence is given such a high priority over the Christian concept of absolute surrender, the focus becomes centered in winning, in being right, and in being in control.

Tiff I know that this is getting a little long winded, but I believe that one of the greatest hindrances to the advancement of the believer is the emersion into a culture that is captivated by the sound bite. We live off of 45 minute sermons with no true indepth Bible Studies. So, I will take the time to lay this out for those that are willing to take the time to engage the truth and apply it. In my book, “When Your House is Not a Home” (A book dedicated to getting the Christian marriage back on course), I spend a significant amount of time addressing premarital relationships and mindsets because the Bible reveals that a great deal of the issues in marriage come from the manner in which people enter into it.

Below you will find a short excerpt from my book that addresses the point of submission from a biblical perspective and how it applies to both members in the marriage. Remember this is only an excerpt, but I have supplied enough to establish the point Tiff mentioned earlier.

” As I stated earlier, marriage is not a hiding place for a troubled soul.  It is not an arrangement of convenience through which economic struggles may be confronted.  It is not an expedient arrangement by which the human race is propagated.  No, marriage is a divine institution ordained by God.  It is meant to represent Christ’s love for the church.  When people look into the Christian marriage they should see the reflection of God’s love —no relationship bears more importance to social culture and the church than marriage.



Listen to what Biblical scholar R.B. Thieme Jr. has to say about the institution of marriage: “Marriage provides the structure for stability in society, the foundation of civilization.  God’s plan for husband and wife prohibits fornication, adultery, promiscuity, homosexuality, communal living, polygamy, and frivolous divorce.  When the divine design for marriage is spurned by enough people, degeneracy permeates society and the nation declines.” (Freedom Through Military Victory, R.B. Thieme Jr. 2003) – Sound Familiar?



Lucidly speaking, as the respect for the sanctity of God ordained marriage wanes, the moral fiber of our social culture begins to unravel.  This explains why things considered unacceptable by the masses a mere twenty years ago are now commonplace.



As volition is the delegated authority in the individual, the husband is the authority delegated by God in the marriage.  Now, this fact has become quite controversial in today’s social environment.  This Biblical truth has been misconstrued to indicate or express the superiority of the man over the women.  Some have taken it as an attempt by man to oppress and dominate women.  There are those that will insist that the principle of male authority in the home is archaic and no longer functions in contemporary culture; however, scripture does not support this point of view.  The truth is that all of these misconceptions do not align with Biblical mandate.



God, in His infinite wisdom, understands the vast importance of maintaining order, and subsequently designed a system through which order may be sustained, as long as man is obedient to the mandates of the plan.



“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.  For the husband is the head of the wife, as also Christ is the head of the church, and He is the Savior of the body.”(Eph 5:22)



“IN LIKE manner, you married women, be submissive to your own husbands [subordinate yourselves as being secondary to and dependent on them, and adapt yourselves to them], so that even if any do not obey the Word [of God], they may be won over not by discussion but by the [godly] lives of their wives,” (1 Peter 3:1 AMP)



These are two very expressive and revealing scriptural passages. One has to have at least a minimal understanding of categorical bible study. Ephesians 5.22 is Paul’s command to wives to submit and in itself bears clarity to a much misunderstood piece of scripture. In Genesis 3:16, God addresses Eve after the fall. He tells her that her pain in childbirth will be multiplied, but he does not stop there. He concludes with the following statement:



“…Yet your desire will be for your husband,
And (R)he will rule over you.” (Gen. 3:16 NASB)



There are several popular interpretations for the part of the passage, but the proper one is establish and supported by Paul’s exhortation to wives in Ephesians 5:22.



This is what Dr. Thomas Constable has to say about this passage of scripture:



“The ‘curse’ here describes the beginning of the battle of the sexes. After the Fall, the husband no longer rules easily; he must fight for his headship. The woman’s desire is to control her husband (to usurp his divinely appointed headship), and he must master her, if he can. Sin had corrupted both the willing submission of the wife and the loving headship of the husband. And so the rule of love founded in paradise is replaced by struggle, tyranny, domination, and manipulation.” (Thomas Constable, Commentary of the Bible)



If you want to obtain a more detailed explanation of this passage I would suggest you read the article “What is the Women’s Desire” by Susan T. Foh. She gives a very disciplined description in this article. If you would wish, you may email me at rpw@rickwallaceministries.com and I will provide an in-depth anatomization of this scriptural text.



Basically, this conflict in the home is what prompted Paul to address both, husband and wife in Ephesians Chapter five.



Marriage is a relationship that involves mutual submission, and though all Christians are called and exhorted to live in submission to one another, submission is applied in a unique manner to the marriage relationship.  The wife is commanded not simply to submit, but to submit to her husband as to the Lord.  The Greek word used here is (“Hypotasso”) — to put in subjection, subject, subordinate; in the passive, to submit, be subject to.  According to the terminology in scripture, she is to hold him in the highest esteem and regard.



Every well-ordered society rests upon the pillars of authority and submission.  Where there is no submission to authority, anarchy and chaos run rampant.  Submission never implies inferiority; authority doesn’t establish superiority.  Christ was submissive to God the Father, but at no time was he ever inferior, they are both equally God.  Neither is the woman inferior to man or the wife inferior to the husband.  In fact, there are many areas in which the wife may transcend her husband.



I am perfectly cognizant of the fact that the Biblical view is not a popular one, nevertheless, we are not to be conformed to the world but we should be transformed by the renewing of our minds.  We should not allow the world to influence the stances we take and the way we live our lives.  We are to be the light, the focal point, and the influence that induces a sort of transculturation.



Now if the wife is to submit to the husband, what is the husband required to do?  Luke 12:48 tells us that he who has been entrusted with much, of him much will be required.  Before we progress, allow me to bring elucidation to the principle of partial submission.  When a wife submits to her husband, she is not submitting to the man; she is submitting to the God ordained authority given to the man by the creator.  This delegated authority is revocable and is only active when the husband is operating under the will of God.  Whenever a husband chooses to move opposite the will of God, his wife is not obligated to follow his lead, she is to remain in line with the Word.  This insures the authority of headship delegated by God is not abused or used to Lord over the wife.  The wife is not a slave, but a partner.  I digress.  Shall we continue?



The husband, in a manner of reciprocation or even excessiveness, is called to love his wife, just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for her.  He is to put aside his own interest in order to enhance hers.  Beyond God, she is to be placed first; her life above his; her needs before his.  His role is to nourish (Greek ekotrphō —to support her growth toward her personal maturity), and to cherish (Greek thalpō —to warmly care for and attend to).  When in the perfect harmony God intended, each partner in marriage proactively and interactively brings the other to his or her full potential in life.



When a marriage is lived out in a mutually loving, supportive, and loyal environment, it mirrors the love of Christ for the church and the love the church is called to have toward Him.



Again, at the risk of being redundant, I reiterate, the submissive woman of the Bible is far from weak.  She is the epitome of strength and spiritual fortitude.  She is the heart line of the home.  She is the source of favor and blessing for her husband.  Proverbs 18:22 says, “he that finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.”  A Godly wife is the greatest gift a man may obtain from the Lord beyond salvation.”
So many enter into marriage looking for what they can get out of it. Very few get that it is actually about what you can add to it. Instead of asking, what this person can do for you and your dreams and aspirations, you should be asking yourself, “How can I enhance the life of this person; in what way will I improve their life?”

I know that this is a lot of information to digest, but the truth is that this is only the foundation. There is so much more.

I am really excited about the release of this book, more than any of the others that preceded it. As I add the finishing touches to the manuscript, I invite more discussions like this. It allows me to see areas that may need to be expanded and given more attention.

Thanks for allowing me the platform to share Tiff. ~ Dr. Rick Wallace 

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