The Marriage Institution in America

Relationships:
I don't believe that it is a coincidence that I have been approached in person concerning struggling marriages 4 times in the last two days or that posts concerning relationships seem to be dominating Facebook's news feeds. When I wrote the "When Your House is Not a Home" Series I was keenly aware of the current turmoil of the marriage institution in Western Culture.

The conundrums that face marriages here in the United States are multitudinous and cannot all be addressed in one post; honestly, they cannot all be adequately addressed in a single book. However, if I could narrow it down to 3 major problems that if properly addressed could positively impact the current state of the marriage institution here in America, it would be:

1. Men abdicating their God ordained roles as leaders, protectors, and providers in order to pursue self-indulging behavior. Men left a huge void in American culture as we trickled out of the family home into the world of selfish and narcissistic behavior. We have done exactly what the Bible said the wayward would do; we have became lovers of ourselves, having a form or Godliness, but denying its power. As men, in general, we have given the the Christian faith a black eye. We have failed our homes and our women.

2. Women having misplaced their self-worth in a meaningless shuffle to have a man, even if the man belongs to someone else. As men  moved out of their anointed positions, we drafted women in behind us to fill roles that we left behind; roles they were not designed to fill. As women begin to fill these roles, they became more vulnerable to the influence of secular and cultural paradigms that fostered the feminist movement. It is simple, a woman desiring a man cannot take on a state of mind that is determinate to not having one, or should I say, not needing one. Over time the moral fiber of this nation disintegrated and the standards of women plummeted along with their self-worth. As long as a woman doesn't understand her worth as it is revealed through her relationship with Christ, she will always be at the mercy of men who fail to value her. In order to be valued by others you must first value yourself. (Ladies, here's a little secret from a man that believes that women are God's greatest creation, bar none. Even a man that values a woman will not settle for a woman that does not value herself. He knows that she will eventually self-destruct and take him down with her.)

3. A poor understanding of the marriage as a biblical institution and the significance of the covenant that binds both mates in marriage. In western culture (the largest dating culture in the world), we have the highest divorce rate. I will cover the significance of that in depth at another time. In America we marry based on feelings, emotions, and every other thing that is fleeting. In truth a biblical marriage stands on its own merit, not the emotions of those within it. What I mean is in Eastern Culture, husband and wife marry the marriage first. That means they understand what the marriage means and they marry the commitment and they personally adapt to one another. Marriage is a triangular covenant and it is unique in that way. While most covenants are either horizontal (between men) or vertical (between man and God), the marriage is both. If you will take the time to read Malachi the 2 chapter you will begin to gain a small insight to how God views marriage and the covenant that sustains it.  In short, we must get over ourselves and put God first.

The simplest way to address the dilemma succinctly is through my favorite quote: "A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ that a man should have to seek Him first in order to find her." When a women is truly hidden in Christ she protects herself from the ungodly element that is wreaking havoc on this culture. The problem is most of our women are looking for godly men at the club, happy hour, and every other secular social event under the sun. The truth is that its hard enough finding true Godly men in church (trust me, there are plenty heathens there too), what are the chances you are going to find him in a place controlled and patrolled by the enemy. Its like looking for a 4kt diamond at the city dump. Is it possible you will find one? Yes, but not likely.

Ladies, make yourself ready by hiding your heart within the arms of Christ. He will prepare you for your blessing (And for Heaven's sake stop shopping for Christian Dior at Walmart). Men, let go of self and seek God and allow the Holy-Spirit to transform you into men of valor so that you can adequately honor your woman of virtue.

God bless- Dr. Rick Wallace