Submission in Christian Marriage.
In her explanation to Michelle, Tiffany
mentions an immensely important concept in marriage that I believe may have
gotten by most. It is very subtle and it is diametrically opposed to the
secular paradigms that shape the thinking in this western culture.
She said that “in marriage we lose our
right to be right.” What does this mean in truth? First of all, contrary to
popular belief, both parties in the marriage are called to submit or surrender
to the other. In a culture in which independence is given such a high priority
over the Christian concept of absolute surrender, the focus becomes centered in
winning, in being right, and in being in control.
Tiff I know that this is getting a
little long winded, but I believe that one of the greatest hindrances to the
advancement of the believer is the emersion into a culture that is captivated
by the sound bite. We live off of 45 minute sermons with no true indepth Bible
Studies. So, I will take the time to lay this out for those that are willing to
take the time to engage the truth and apply it. In my book, “When Your House is
Not a Home” (A book dedicated to getting the Christian marriage back on
course), I spend a significant amount of time addressing premarital
relationships and mindsets because the Bible reveals that a great deal of the
issues in marriage come from the manner in which people enter into it.
Below you will find a short excerpt
from my book that addresses the point of submission from a biblical perspective
and how it applies to both members in the marriage. Remember this is only an
excerpt, but I have supplied enough to establish the point Tiff mentioned
earlier.
” As I stated earlier, marriage is not a hiding place for a troubled
soul. It is not an arrangement of convenience through which economic
struggles may be confronted. It is not an expedient arrangement by which
the human race is propagated. No, marriage is a divine institution
ordained by God. It is meant to represent Christ’s love for the church.
When people look into the Christian marriage they should see the reflection of
God’s love —no relationship bears more importance to social culture and the
church than marriage.
Listen
to what Biblical scholar R.B. Thieme Jr. has to say about the institution of
marriage: “Marriage provides the structure for stability in society, the
foundation of civilization. God’s plan for husband and wife prohibits
fornication, adultery, promiscuity, homosexuality, communal living, polygamy,
and frivolous divorce. When the divine design for marriage is spurned by
enough people, degeneracy permeates society and the nation declines.” (Freedom
Through Military Victory, R.B. Thieme Jr. 2003) – Sound Familiar?
Lucidly
speaking, as the respect for the sanctity of God ordained marriage wanes, the
moral fiber of our social culture begins to unravel. This explains why
things considered unacceptable by the masses a mere twenty years ago are now
commonplace.
As
volition is the delegated authority in the individual, the husband is the
authority delegated by God in the marriage. Now, this fact has become
quite controversial in today’s social environment. This Biblical truth
has been misconstrued to indicate or express the superiority of the man over
the women. Some have taken it as an attempt by man to oppress and
dominate women. There are those that will insist that the principle of
male authority in the home is archaic and no longer functions in contemporary
culture; however, scripture does not support this point of view. The truth
is that all of these misconceptions do not align with Biblical mandate.
God,
in His infinite wisdom, understands the vast importance of maintaining order,
and subsequently designed a system through which order may be sustained, as
long as man is obedient to the mandates of the plan.
“Wives,
submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head
of the wife, as also Christ is the head of the church, and He is the Savior of
the body.”(Eph 5:22)
“IN
LIKE manner, you married women, be submissive to your own husbands [subordinate
yourselves as being secondary to and dependent on them, and adapt yourselves to
them], so that even if any do not obey the Word [of God], they may be won over
not by discussion but by the [godly] lives of their wives,” (1 Peter 3:1 AMP)
These
are two very expressive and revealing scriptural passages. One has to have at
least a minimal understanding of categorical bible study. Ephesians 5.22 is
Paul’s command to wives to submit and in itself bears clarity to a much
misunderstood piece of scripture. In Genesis 3:16, God addresses Eve after the
fall. He tells her that her pain in childbirth will be multiplied, but he does
not stop there. He concludes with the following statement:
There
are several popular interpretations for the part of the passage, but the proper
one is establish and supported by Paul’s exhortation to wives in Ephesians
5:22.
This
is what Dr. Thomas Constable has to say about this passage of scripture:
“The
‘curse’ here describes the beginning of the battle of the sexes. After the
Fall, the husband no longer rules easily; he must fight for his headship. The
woman’s desire is to control her husband (to usurp his divinely appointed
headship), and he must master her, if he can. Sin had corrupted both the
willing submission of the wife and the loving headship of the husband. And so
the rule of love founded in paradise is replaced by struggle, tyranny,
domination, and manipulation.” (Thomas
Constable, Commentary of the Bible)
If
you want to obtain a more detailed explanation of this passage I would suggest
you read the article “What is the Women’s Desire” by Susan T. Foh. She gives a
very disciplined description in this article. If you would wish, you may email
me at rpw@rickwallaceministries.com and I will provide an in-depth
anatomization of this scriptural text.
Basically,
this conflict in the home is what prompted Paul to address both, husband and
wife in Ephesians Chapter five.
Marriage
is a relationship that involves mutual submission, and though all Christians
are called and exhorted to live in submission to one another, submission is
applied in a unique manner to the marriage relationship. The wife is
commanded not simply to submit, but to submit to her husband as to the
Lord. The Greek word used here is (“Hypotasso”) — to put in subjection,
subject, subordinate; in the passive, to submit, be subject to. According
to the terminology in scripture, she is to hold him in the highest esteem and
regard.
Every
well-ordered society rests upon the pillars of authority and submission.
Where there is no submission to authority, anarchy and chaos run rampant.
Submission never implies inferiority; authority doesn’t establish
superiority. Christ was submissive to God the Father, but at no time was
he ever inferior, they are both equally God. Neither is the woman
inferior to man or the wife inferior to the husband. In fact, there are
many areas in which the wife may transcend her husband.
I
am perfectly cognizant of the fact that the Biblical view is not a popular one,
nevertheless, we are not to be conformed to the world but we should be
transformed by the renewing of our minds. We should not allow the world
to influence the stances we take and the way we live our lives. We are to
be the light, the focal point, and the influence that induces a sort of
transculturation.
Now
if the wife is to submit to the husband, what is the husband required to do?
Luke 12:48 tells us that he who has been entrusted with much, of him much will
be required. Before we progress, allow me to bring elucidation to the
principle of partial submission. When a wife submits to her husband, she
is not submitting to the man; she is submitting to the God ordained authority
given to the man by the creator. This delegated authority is revocable
and is only active when the husband is operating under the will of God.
Whenever a husband chooses to move opposite the will of God, his wife is not
obligated to follow his lead, she is to remain in line with the Word.
This insures the authority of headship delegated by God is not abused or used
to Lord over the wife. The wife is not a slave, but a partner. I
digress. Shall we continue?
The
husband, in a manner of reciprocation or even excessiveness, is called to love
his wife, just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for her.
He is to put aside his own interest in order to enhance hers. Beyond God,
she is to be placed first; her life above his; her needs before his. His
role is to nourish (Greek ekotrphō —to support her growth toward her personal
maturity), and to cherish (Greek thalpō —to warmly care for and attend
to). When in the perfect harmony God intended, each partner in marriage
proactively and interactively brings the other to his or her full potential in
life.
When
a marriage is lived out in a mutually loving, supportive, and loyal
environment, it mirrors the love of Christ for the church and the love the
church is called to have toward Him.
Again,
at the risk of being redundant, I reiterate, the submissive woman of the Bible
is far from weak. She is the epitome of strength and spiritual
fortitude. She is the heart line of the home. She is the source of
favor and blessing for her husband. Proverbs 18:22 says, “he that finds a
wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.” A Godly wife is
the greatest gift a man may obtain from the Lord beyond salvation.”
So many enter into marriage looking for what they can get out of it.
Very few get that it is actually about what you can add to it. Instead of asking,
what this person can do for you and your dreams and aspirations, you should be
asking yourself, “How can I enhance the life of this person; in what way will I
improve their life?”
I know that this is a lot of information to digest, but the truth is
that this is only the foundation. There is so much more.
I am really excited about the release of this book, more than any of
the others that preceded it. As I add the finishing touches to the manuscript,
I invite more discussions like this. It allows me to see areas that may need to
be expanded and given more attention.
Thanks for allowing me the platform to share Tiff. ~ Dr. Rick Wallace
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